Let's begin with how my day was at work today. I am uncertain the time but it was most likely around 10am or so when a co-worker, same one who said I was rude for saying "excuse me", ever so kindly (sarcasm) took my table's order when I was near by, whatever, not a big deal. So I put in my code on the computer and allow her to put his order in for me since she already had it written down and that was that.
Roughly 30mins go by and I am going around asking if everyone is okay or if they need refills, etc. The cow..*clears throat* I mean co-worker's section was right next to mine so I stopped there to see if they were okay when all of the sudden they start giving me their order, so I write it down and tell them I'll give it to their server and she'll come back around to see if they need anything else. She took my table's order so surely me taking her table's order was no biggy.
Well, I was wrong. She stares me down with daggers and asks quite aggressively why I took her table's order when she told them she'd be right back, I tried explaining to her that I was just trying to help and they told me their order when I only went over to see if all was well drink wise. My co-worker was not having that! She tore into me as if I was taking money from her or food from her kid's mouths.
Her- "Uhm, why did you do that?"
Me- "Do what? Write down their order?"
Her- "I told them I'd be right back, why would you do that?"
Me- "I was just trying to help"
*she proceeds to rip the order I wrote down out of my hand with an attitude*
Me- "You took my table's order so I just figured..."
She didn't let me finish my sentence and just punched the order in like the computer screen was Rhianna and her finger was Chris Brown.
About 10-15mins pass and I'm dropping off dirty dishes, she comes up to me and says "okay, rewind" and proceeds to apologize to me after she decided that I was in fact just trying to be nice. She was not forgiven, she ruined my entire day and I shook with anger. I cannot handle anger well and I usually burst out in tears but I held it all together, unbeknownst to me I'd later be letting it all out.
-----------------------------After work -------------------------------------
I, sullenly but still somewhat happy to be off work, headed to my love's job to drop off my tips and chat a bit about what had happened at work. Once there and once I purchased some items and told him my story, I asked him when I could quit... That's where more trouble began. He lost his shit.
I don't understand how a question upsets people so much. He angrily replied "You can quit when you have another job", okayyyyy.... I kind of figured that so I don't know why he got upset, so I stated that I believe he misunderstood me and rephrased my question, "When can I start looking for another job?". And then I asked another stupid question I guess because he again got upset. I asked if he read my text msg which asks if I could maybe have a month off before working again. I understand that's a silly question and I did expect to get a no, which would have been fine but I didn't just get a no, he yelled at me and made me cry. I sobbed going out of the store and sobbed harder once in the van.
I didn't speak to him for a few hours and just played video games, he eventually sent me a text msg and I honestly was hoping it was him apologizing for being so angry over nothing. Again, second time today of being wrong with my assumptions. Here's what the text said followed by my replies to him:
Him- "I had some long thing written out about money and shit but I figured it would just be easier to tell you to grow up."
Me- "You've misunderstood me completely. You're turning this into a big thing, more than it really is. You're belittling me over nothing. I first off didn't at all argue with you at the store and secondly I only asked if you saw my msg regarding the month off thing and then you went off on me because you must of gotten confused and thought I was going to argue. You jumped to conclusions and aided in me feeling worthless."
Him- "No I fucking didn't. You can quit [current job's name] when you have another job. Simple as that, end of discussion."
Me- "Telling me to grow up when the main reason I want a time to rest before returning to work is because my mental health is dwindling, that's very hurtful. There is always a way to say things gently and maybe you could even help me find ways to mentally destress but instead you choose to disregard mental illness as if it's a choice to fear people and the outside. I only want compassion. Please. :/"
Me- "Also, that's fine that I can quit my job when I have a new one. I do not have an issue at all with that, never said I did. I asked about having a break, you say no, that's cool. You've gone about this all wrong but I'm willing to work with you to understand what's going on with me more."
No response yet, but I'm sure it won't be anything nice. I've stopped playing PUBG after he sent me that initial msg and then decided to write this. Going to chug my CBD infused flavored water to calm down and then maybe I should try gaming again before bedtime. Tomorrow is my final day until a day off, can't wait for that! I sadly feel I only have video games to love and look forward to because the man I love just doesn't seem to want to help me mentally, he doesn't want to comfort me when I need it the most. Sometimes I miss alcohol but I know I'd miss him more since he would leave me if I ever drank again. I wish he loved me as much as I love him.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Monday, September 17, 2018
"Learn to speak spanish"
Today, while it was a very slow day at work, I had a very rough day. My very first customer ordered poached eggs but did not bother to tell me how he wanted them cooked (medium or hard), so I guessed medium because that's commonly chosen. That was my first mistake. The customer immediately noticed the eggs looked softish and sent them back, I requested HARD poached eggs and when I got them, they were actually EASY poached eggs. Confused, I showed the cooks that I requested HARD poached eggs after I messed up with the order of medium eggs, why did they give me now easy eggs? The cook that did not speak any English looked confused because she thought that's what I asked for, the cook who did speak English defended her saying she didn't understand what I was saying and that I need to learn to speak Spanish. Uhm, no ma'am! That's not how things work here in America, you need to speak ENGLISH here and you need to make these damn eggs the way I requested!
So, once that ordeal was over with and the customer got his correct eggs, I was putting together another order when I over heard the Spanish cook call me a "pendejo" because I put medium on the ticket and not hard. She said that in earshot of me and even looked at me while she said it! I suppose she did not realize I understand Spanish. I mentioned that to my manager and it was swept under the rug like it didn't matter. The rest of the day the Spanish speaker kept insulting me over those damn eggs.
The second mistake I made was right after I had calmed down from the first incident. I took a guys to go order and put it together myself. Everything was put together correctly except that I had hastily forgotten to put the bacon and sausage in the box. The guy phoned my manager and she had to give him a coupon or something because he complained about now being late for work. She was very upset and said "I had to stop what I was doing to deal with this" when all she was doing was chowing down on some food previously in the server alley. A coworker that stated a week or so ago that when I say "excuse me" while passing is rude, chimed in with the shit talk about me. I broke down crying after a customer saw me talking to the buser about the situation and stated that now his waffle is cold because I took too long to bring him syrup because I was "visiting" instead of bring it quickly.
On top of everything, I was not tipped as much today. I made a total of $75 when I normally make way above that even on slow days. I acknowledge my mistakes and I know I only had a bad day because I made mistakes that I should not have made but why do my coworkers and kitchen staff have to be so toxic and vile about it all? Have they never made some mistakes in their life? Sometimes I just feel if they only knew about all I go through mentally, the way I torment myself, they'd be a tad bit nicer. But I guess I can't expect them to understand, some of them don't even understand English.
What's the number to I.C.E?
So, once that ordeal was over with and the customer got his correct eggs, I was putting together another order when I over heard the Spanish cook call me a "pendejo" because I put medium on the ticket and not hard. She said that in earshot of me and even looked at me while she said it! I suppose she did not realize I understand Spanish. I mentioned that to my manager and it was swept under the rug like it didn't matter. The rest of the day the Spanish speaker kept insulting me over those damn eggs.
The second mistake I made was right after I had calmed down from the first incident. I took a guys to go order and put it together myself. Everything was put together correctly except that I had hastily forgotten to put the bacon and sausage in the box. The guy phoned my manager and she had to give him a coupon or something because he complained about now being late for work. She was very upset and said "I had to stop what I was doing to deal with this" when all she was doing was chowing down on some food previously in the server alley. A coworker that stated a week or so ago that when I say "excuse me" while passing is rude, chimed in with the shit talk about me. I broke down crying after a customer saw me talking to the buser about the situation and stated that now his waffle is cold because I took too long to bring him syrup because I was "visiting" instead of bring it quickly.
On top of everything, I was not tipped as much today. I made a total of $75 when I normally make way above that even on slow days. I acknowledge my mistakes and I know I only had a bad day because I made mistakes that I should not have made but why do my coworkers and kitchen staff have to be so toxic and vile about it all? Have they never made some mistakes in their life? Sometimes I just feel if they only knew about all I go through mentally, the way I torment myself, they'd be a tad bit nicer. But I guess I can't expect them to understand, some of them don't even understand English.
What's the number to I.C.E?
Friday, September 14, 2018
Update on my life so far...
I suppose it's time for me to update this blog. So much has gone on since my last entry, just haven't really had the time to blog but maybe I should, it could help me.
July 29th, 2018 I quit my job at the Rodeway Inn hotel due to hostile coworkers and I wasn't doing too well with my family doing the overnight shifts. I would come home from work at 7am and sleep until I went to work again at 11pm, my children barely saw me and my fiance was always angry or annoyed about my sleeping. I felt a new job would help, it did for the first 2wks...
I now work at a very popular local restaurant, the money is wonderful and at first I liked everyone but now I really wish I could just be a stay at home mom so that I don't have to deal with hostile women at work. It seems I cannot escape terrible coworkers, they are everywhere, like liberals.
At first I did not want to work there because I knew someone who worked there, she used to work with my fiance at Dollar General but decided being a server was more money. The first week went smoothly if you are willing to ignore the fact on day 3 I cried like a baby in front of everyone because the manager training me made me feel like an idiot because I couldn't remember the one million ingredients in the various different omelettes. The one person I knew there was very quiet and I was hoping to actually be friends with her. Turns out that she presumed I rolled my eyes at her when I swear I never even looked her way or had a reason to roll my eyes at her, so since then she has been very rude and cold to me.
There are 2 guy servers and one guy buser, they are all relatively very nice men. I prefer working with them instead of the nasty and toxic women I am surrounded by. The manager that trained me, I feel she does not like me or anyone really, Wednesday I was 2 mins late due to some construction going on and she had the audacity to threaten me with write ups/termination over being a few minutes late. I just smiled at her and agreed, my smile never faded that day thanks to cherry lemonade CBD extract I had mixed in my monster (terrible combo BTW, always use cold water with CBD).
Well, that ends the update on my job. Let's move on to other updates.
A week ago I cut myself due to severe anxiety, stress and depression. My fiance, the love of my life, accused me of drinking when I most certainly had not! I break under pressure and got very defensive and I am sure he took that as me lying because those who protest are in fact guilty, right? No. I have to defend myself because there isn't anyone in this world who will defend my honor. No matter how much evidence, logic or explanation I provided for him to realize that I was not drinking, he did not believe me and I feel the little bit of trust he did build with me was lost.
And because I KNOW that I am innocent, I felt defeated and lost. How could someone who claims to love me, not trust me? Well, that's because he has no real reason to trust an ex alcoholic. That said, I still felt low and hated myself. If it wasn't for all I've done in the past, he wouldn't feel this way, it was my fault. So I cut myself so many times on my arms and leg, more so on my leg than arm as I am a server and wear short sleeves. I managed to cover most of my cuts with large bandages and everyone at work, customers and coworkers alike, keep asking what happened to my arm. I just feign a smile and lie through my teeth about how the hot pancake plates are made out of plastic and heat up way more than the regular ceramic plates we use, ergo, I have massive burn bubbles under the bandages... Everyone believed me so far. But tomorrow I will go without the bandages since my cuts are healed, hopefully no one can really see the faint scabbed over cuts.
There is plenty more to talk about really but it's getting late and this is getting long. If anything happens negatively at work, I'll update again. Something bad always happens to me at work, so I guess I'll see y'all real soon.
July 29th, 2018 I quit my job at the Rodeway Inn hotel due to hostile coworkers and I wasn't doing too well with my family doing the overnight shifts. I would come home from work at 7am and sleep until I went to work again at 11pm, my children barely saw me and my fiance was always angry or annoyed about my sleeping. I felt a new job would help, it did for the first 2wks...
I now work at a very popular local restaurant, the money is wonderful and at first I liked everyone but now I really wish I could just be a stay at home mom so that I don't have to deal with hostile women at work. It seems I cannot escape terrible coworkers, they are everywhere, like liberals.
At first I did not want to work there because I knew someone who worked there, she used to work with my fiance at Dollar General but decided being a server was more money. The first week went smoothly if you are willing to ignore the fact on day 3 I cried like a baby in front of everyone because the manager training me made me feel like an idiot because I couldn't remember the one million ingredients in the various different omelettes. The one person I knew there was very quiet and I was hoping to actually be friends with her. Turns out that she presumed I rolled my eyes at her when I swear I never even looked her way or had a reason to roll my eyes at her, so since then she has been very rude and cold to me.
There are 2 guy servers and one guy buser, they are all relatively very nice men. I prefer working with them instead of the nasty and toxic women I am surrounded by. The manager that trained me, I feel she does not like me or anyone really, Wednesday I was 2 mins late due to some construction going on and she had the audacity to threaten me with write ups/termination over being a few minutes late. I just smiled at her and agreed, my smile never faded that day thanks to cherry lemonade CBD extract I had mixed in my monster (terrible combo BTW, always use cold water with CBD).
Well, that ends the update on my job. Let's move on to other updates.
A week ago I cut myself due to severe anxiety, stress and depression. My fiance, the love of my life, accused me of drinking when I most certainly had not! I break under pressure and got very defensive and I am sure he took that as me lying because those who protest are in fact guilty, right? No. I have to defend myself because there isn't anyone in this world who will defend my honor. No matter how much evidence, logic or explanation I provided for him to realize that I was not drinking, he did not believe me and I feel the little bit of trust he did build with me was lost.
And because I KNOW that I am innocent, I felt defeated and lost. How could someone who claims to love me, not trust me? Well, that's because he has no real reason to trust an ex alcoholic. That said, I still felt low and hated myself. If it wasn't for all I've done in the past, he wouldn't feel this way, it was my fault. So I cut myself so many times on my arms and leg, more so on my leg than arm as I am a server and wear short sleeves. I managed to cover most of my cuts with large bandages and everyone at work, customers and coworkers alike, keep asking what happened to my arm. I just feign a smile and lie through my teeth about how the hot pancake plates are made out of plastic and heat up way more than the regular ceramic plates we use, ergo, I have massive burn bubbles under the bandages... Everyone believed me so far. But tomorrow I will go without the bandages since my cuts are healed, hopefully no one can really see the faint scabbed over cuts.
There is plenty more to talk about really but it's getting late and this is getting long. If anything happens negatively at work, I'll update again. Something bad always happens to me at work, so I guess I'll see y'all real soon.
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