"Grow Up"

Let's begin with how my day was at work today. I am uncertain the time but it was most likely around 10am or so when a co-worker, same one who said I was rude for saying "excuse me", ever so kindly (sarcasm) took my table's order when I was near by, whatever, not a big deal. So I put in my code on the computer and allow her to put his order in for me since she already had it written down and that was that.

Roughly 30mins go by and I am going around asking if everyone is okay or if they need refills, etc. The cow..*clears throat* I mean co-worker's section was right next to mine so I stopped there to see if they were okay when all of the sudden they start giving me their order, so I write it down and tell them I'll give it to their server and she'll come back around to see if they need anything else. She took my table's order so surely me taking her table's order was no biggy.

Well, I was wrong. She stares me down with daggers and asks quite aggressively why I took her table's order when she told them she'd be right back, I tried explaining to her that I was just trying to help and they told me their order when I only went over to see if all was well drink wise. My co-worker was not having that! She tore into me as if I was taking money from her or food from her kid's mouths.

Her- "Uhm, why did you do that?"
Me- "Do what? Write down their order?"
Her- "I told them I'd be right back, why would you do that?"
Me- "I was just trying to help"

*she proceeds to rip the order I wrote down out of my hand with an attitude*

Me- "You took my table's order so I just figured..."

She didn't let me finish my sentence and just punched the order in like the computer screen was Rhianna and her finger was Chris Brown.

About 10-15mins pass and I'm dropping off dirty dishes, she comes up to me and says "okay, rewind" and proceeds to apologize to me after she decided that I was in fact just trying to be nice. She was not forgiven, she ruined my entire day and I shook with anger. I cannot handle anger well and I usually burst out in tears but I held it all together, unbeknownst to me I'd later be letting it all out.

-----------------------------After work -------------------------------------

I, sullenly but still somewhat happy to be off work, headed to my love's job to drop off my tips and chat a bit about what had happened at work. Once there and once I purchased some items and told him my story, I asked him when I could quit... That's where more trouble began. He lost his shit.

I don't understand how a question upsets people so much. He angrily replied "You can quit when you have another job", okayyyyy.... I kind of figured that so I don't know why he got upset, so I stated that I believe he misunderstood me and rephrased my question, "When can I start looking for another job?". And then I asked another stupid question I guess because he again got upset. I asked if he read my text msg which asks if I could maybe have a month off before working again. I understand that's a silly question and I did expect to get a no, which would have been fine but I didn't just get a no, he yelled at me and made me cry. I sobbed going out of the store and sobbed harder once in the van.

I didn't speak to him for a few hours and just played video games, he eventually sent me a text msg and I honestly was hoping it was him apologizing for being so angry over nothing. Again, second time today of being wrong with my assumptions. Here's what the text said followed by my replies to him:

Him- "I had some long thing written out about money and shit but I figured it would just be easier to tell you to grow up."

Me- "You've misunderstood me completely. You're turning this into a big thing, more than it really is. You're belittling me over nothing. I first off didn't at all argue with you at the store and secondly I only asked if you saw my msg regarding the month off thing and then you went off on me because you must of gotten confused and thought I was going to argue. You jumped to conclusions and aided in me feeling worthless."

Him- "No I fucking didn't. You can quit [current job's name] when you have another job. Simple as that, end of discussion."

Me- "Telling me to grow up when the main reason I want a time to rest before returning to work is because my mental health is dwindling, that's very hurtful. There is always a way to say things gently and maybe you could even help me find ways to mentally destress but instead you choose to disregard mental illness as if it's a choice to fear people and the outside. I only want compassion. Please. :/"

Me- "Also, that's fine that I can quit my job when I have a new one. I do not have an issue at all with that, never said I did. I asked about having a break, you say no, that's cool. You've gone about this all wrong but I'm willing to work with you to understand what's going on with me more."

No response yet, but I'm sure it won't be anything nice. I've stopped playing PUBG after he sent me that initial msg and then decided to write this. Going to chug my CBD infused flavored water to calm down and then maybe I should try gaming again before bedtime. Tomorrow is my final day until a day off, can't wait for that! I sadly feel I only have video games to love and look forward to because the man I love just doesn't seem to want to help me mentally, he doesn't want to comfort me when I need it the most. Sometimes I miss alcohol but I know I'd miss him more since he would leave me if I ever drank again. I wish he loved me as much as I love him.