I suppose it's time for me to update this blog. So much has gone on since my last entry, just haven't really had the time to blog but maybe I should, it could help me.
July 29th, 2018 I quit my job at the Rodeway Inn hotel due to hostile coworkers and I wasn't doing too well with my family doing the overnight shifts. I would come home from work at 7am and sleep until I went to work again at 11pm, my children barely saw me and my fiance was always angry or annoyed about my sleeping. I felt a new job would help, it did for the first 2wks...
I now work at a very popular local restaurant, the money is wonderful and at first I liked everyone but now I really wish I could just be a stay at home mom so that I don't have to deal with hostile women at work. It seems I cannot escape terrible coworkers, they are everywhere, like liberals.
At first I did not want to work there because I knew someone who worked there, she used to work with my fiance at Dollar General but decided being a server was more money. The first week went smoothly if you are willing to ignore the fact on day 3 I cried like a baby in front of everyone because the manager training me made me feel like an idiot because I couldn't remember the one million ingredients in the various different omelettes. The one person I knew there was very quiet and I was hoping to actually be friends with her. Turns out that she presumed I rolled my eyes at her when I swear I never even looked her way or had a reason to roll my eyes at her, so since then she has been very rude and cold to me.
There are 2 guy servers and one guy buser, they are all relatively very nice men. I prefer working with them instead of the nasty and toxic women I am surrounded by. The manager that trained me, I feel she does not like me or anyone really, Wednesday I was 2 mins late due to some construction going on and she had the audacity to threaten me with write ups/termination over being a few minutes late. I just smiled at her and agreed, my smile never faded that day thanks to cherry lemonade CBD extract I had mixed in my monster (terrible combo BTW, always use cold water with CBD).
Well, that ends the update on my job. Let's move on to other updates.
A week ago I cut myself due to severe anxiety, stress and depression. My fiance, the love of my life, accused me of drinking when I most certainly had not! I break under pressure and got very defensive and I am sure he took that as me lying because those who protest are in fact guilty, right? No. I have to defend myself because there isn't anyone in this world who will defend my honor. No matter how much evidence, logic or explanation I provided for him to realize that I was not drinking, he did not believe me and I feel the little bit of trust he did build with me was lost.
And because I KNOW that I am innocent, I felt defeated and lost. How could someone who claims to love me, not trust me? Well, that's because he has no real reason to trust an ex alcoholic. That said, I still felt low and hated myself. If it wasn't for all I've done in the past, he wouldn't feel this way, it was my fault. So I cut myself so many times on my arms and leg, more so on my leg than arm as I am a server and wear short sleeves. I managed to cover most of my cuts with large bandages and everyone at work, customers and coworkers alike, keep asking what happened to my arm. I just feign a smile and lie through my teeth about how the hot pancake plates are made out of plastic and heat up way more than the regular ceramic plates we use, ergo, I have massive burn bubbles under the bandages... Everyone believed me so far. But tomorrow I will go without the bandages since my cuts are healed, hopefully no one can really see the faint scabbed over cuts.
There is plenty more to talk about really but it's getting late and this is getting long. If anything happens negatively at work, I'll update again. Something bad always happens to me at work, so I guess I'll see y'all real soon.
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